It’s been exactly 7 weeks since we’ve been in our new home. A beautiful hotel built in the late 1800’s situated in the Dargle valley of the Midlands - Kwazulu Natal. I have absolutely no doubt that Gemma led us to this little piece of heaven. In the short 7 weeks, we feel like we’ve lived here forever. The community has accepted and embraced us wholeheartedly. We’ve made friends that we feel like we’ve known forever. The boys started at a school called Misty Meadows, where they both fitted in like a hand in a glove. The concept of the school is too great to try and explain in a single sentence, so to put it briefly it’s an alternate school where they don’t wear uniform, can have their hair as long as they want, or to put it simply, can be exactly who they want to be. They learn predominantly through play and practical skills. The most important aspect for us right now is that they are both loved and extremely happy.
I believe Gemma led us here, because when people ask how we ended up here I can’t really give them an answer - it felt like it just happened. Many people who have moved to the Midlands tell a similar story - it’s like the magical Midlands calls you, when you’re ready to stop and listen.
We miss our beautiful Gem every single day, it still doesn’t feel real. I came across a quote the other day “Imagine living with a scream inside of you. And that scream is yours. And no one else hears it. That is grief.” That sums up how I often feel. I know she is with me, I can feel her, but it just doesn’t take away that raw pain of wanting to hold her, and wanting her back for just one more time. I’d like to share a few moments where she’s shown me that she’s near.
On Mother’s day, I stopped in to see my Mom. Thabo was playing outside and came running excitedly into the house to tell me to come and see something. My mom has rose hedges along her driveway, and in slit where the door closes was a perfect rose caught in it. I pulled it out, and on doing so there was not only one, but two perfect roses. One for me and one for my mom. It may seem like a normal thing to happen - a rose getting stuck in the car door, but when I looked closely - the way they were positioned was almost impossible to have happened naturally???
Many times I’ve hummed a random song, and when I’ve stopped to actually listen to the words - the message has been so clear to me that it’s my beloved Gem speaking to my heart. As I stop to listen right now, the song that’s been playing in my head this week is “Feels like home to me”
Something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light
If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought that I'd love anyone so much
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
The song that I believe helped us with our move to the midlands was “Moon River.” The boys were watching a movie and in the background I heard the melody playing and started singing the few words I knew. Again, I looked up the lyrics and at first didn’t connect it as a message from Gem. The very same week, on Gem’s 6 month Angelversary, Michael and I joined friends out for dinner. The opening song, sung by a beautiful friend we’d made in Clarens was Moon River. My hairs stood on end, and then I knew it was from her. I believe it was Gem telling us there were great things waiting for us, and our life took a turn from that point on - things started falling into place in terms of our move and where we landed up.
The nights I miss Gemma, i always dream that she gives me a deep embracing hug, and I wake up feeling like it really happened.
I had watched a show recently where a man had talked about asking his departed child to show him specific signs. I tried this one day. I asked Gemma to show me a white dove. I knew this was quite a tall order, but it’s what came to me. That day I kept looking everywhere for the dove to appear. Later in the morning, we’d been invited to meet a lady in Howick. She had beautiful tapestries and embroidered artworks, one specific one depicting many different bird species. However, my dove was not on it. I sat laughing to myself, thinking I was going to look crazy staring around the room and the garden waiting for my dove to appear. As we stood up to say our goodbyes - at this stage, I’d given up on the dove - I glanced over on to the table, and there in front of me was a life size, real looking, statue of a white dove. It had been directly across from where I was siting the entire time, I had probably been staring at it previously. My heart skipped a beat and I felt so warm and fuzzy inside.
Another sad morning, I had asked Gemma to give me a hug from someone I least expected. Later that afternoon, I was hanging up the washing and Bryce walked past. From a distance he made some usually sarcastic teenage remark (LOL), and my response was “Why don’t you just come and give me a hug instead.” I nearly stopped still in my tracks, when for the first time in a very long time, instead of responding with another remark, he walked up to me and gave me the biggest authentic hug. I was bewildered.
My Gem, My Precious Gem. I love you and miss you with all of my heart, and am so incredibly blessed that you chose me to be your Mom.
I believe Gemma led us here, because when people ask how we ended up here I can’t really give them an answer - it felt like it just happened. Many people who have moved to the Midlands tell a similar story - it’s like the magical Midlands calls you, when you’re ready to stop and listen.
We miss our beautiful Gem every single day, it still doesn’t feel real. I came across a quote the other day “Imagine living with a scream inside of you. And that scream is yours. And no one else hears it. That is grief.” That sums up how I often feel. I know she is with me, I can feel her, but it just doesn’t take away that raw pain of wanting to hold her, and wanting her back for just one more time. I’d like to share a few moments where she’s shown me that she’s near.
On Mother’s day, I stopped in to see my Mom. Thabo was playing outside and came running excitedly into the house to tell me to come and see something. My mom has rose hedges along her driveway, and in slit where the door closes was a perfect rose caught in it. I pulled it out, and on doing so there was not only one, but two perfect roses. One for me and one for my mom. It may seem like a normal thing to happen - a rose getting stuck in the car door, but when I looked closely - the way they were positioned was almost impossible to have happened naturally???
Many times I’ve hummed a random song, and when I’ve stopped to actually listen to the words - the message has been so clear to me that it’s my beloved Gem speaking to my heart. As I stop to listen right now, the song that’s been playing in my head this week is “Feels like home to me”
Something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light
If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought that I'd love anyone so much
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
The song that I believe helped us with our move to the midlands was “Moon River.” The boys were watching a movie and in the background I heard the melody playing and started singing the few words I knew. Again, I looked up the lyrics and at first didn’t connect it as a message from Gem. The very same week, on Gem’s 6 month Angelversary, Michael and I joined friends out for dinner. The opening song, sung by a beautiful friend we’d made in Clarens was Moon River. My hairs stood on end, and then I knew it was from her. I believe it was Gem telling us there were great things waiting for us, and our life took a turn from that point on - things started falling into place in terms of our move and where we landed up.
The nights I miss Gemma, i always dream that she gives me a deep embracing hug, and I wake up feeling like it really happened.
I had watched a show recently where a man had talked about asking his departed child to show him specific signs. I tried this one day. I asked Gemma to show me a white dove. I knew this was quite a tall order, but it’s what came to me. That day I kept looking everywhere for the dove to appear. Later in the morning, we’d been invited to meet a lady in Howick. She had beautiful tapestries and embroidered artworks, one specific one depicting many different bird species. However, my dove was not on it. I sat laughing to myself, thinking I was going to look crazy staring around the room and the garden waiting for my dove to appear. As we stood up to say our goodbyes - at this stage, I’d given up on the dove - I glanced over on to the table, and there in front of me was a life size, real looking, statue of a white dove. It had been directly across from where I was siting the entire time, I had probably been staring at it previously. My heart skipped a beat and I felt so warm and fuzzy inside.
Another sad morning, I had asked Gemma to give me a hug from someone I least expected. Later that afternoon, I was hanging up the washing and Bryce walked past. From a distance he made some usually sarcastic teenage remark (LOL), and my response was “Why don’t you just come and give me a hug instead.” I nearly stopped still in my tracks, when for the first time in a very long time, instead of responding with another remark, he walked up to me and gave me the biggest authentic hug. I was bewildered.
My Gem, My Precious Gem. I love you and miss you with all of my heart, and am so incredibly blessed that you chose me to be your Mom.